You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
