i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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