there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
