Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
