Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
