i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
