Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
