I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
