We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
