Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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