glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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