The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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