so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
