u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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