I wish I could punch you in the face.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
