watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize