Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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