paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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