i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
