i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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