There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
