I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
