Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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