please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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