I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
