Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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