the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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