Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
