i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
