Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
