Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
