I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
