you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
