just come out here and I will go home with you...
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
