Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
