...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
