He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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