She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
