i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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