i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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