dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
