using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
