quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Every concussion has its silver lining
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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