I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize