omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
