The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
