mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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