He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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