the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Dicks are not precious.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
