FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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