Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
