when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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