I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
