Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
