i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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