**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
