So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
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These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
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History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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