she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
