The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize