I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
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