Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
