So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize