i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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