I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
