hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
