Hey man sorry I got all grabby
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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