new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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