went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
