You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
