Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
