Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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