just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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